So much has happened in the world since my last update just over a month ago. These are unprecedented times. Between the global pandemic, racial injustice and social, political and economic unrest, it kind of feels like the world is falling apart. In some ways I find that to be really scary. But in other ways, it feels necessary. Yes, the pandemic is new, but racism, racial injustice and social unrest were already happening. The Black Lives Matter Movement started in 2013, and yet so many people, myself included, weren’t listening or proactively acting and pushing for change. Not really. Not enough.
Like so many others, I recently took some time away from the blog and social media to listen, learn and amplify Black voices. I’ve done a lot of questioning, thinking, reading, discussing, processing and recognizing. And so far my biggest takeaways are:
- Racism is a system not an event, single act or person. It is pervasive, normalized, and ingrained. It is everywhere and we are all a part of it, especially white people because we are the ones who created it and benefit from it. That understanding of racism was powerful for me because in my mind, if understand it and am a part of it then I can help change it.
- I cannot dedicate a week to anti-racist education and come out “fixed”, “better” or even anti-racist – this is lifelong work and I have a long way to go and a lot to unpack. Robin DiAngelo, the author of White Fragility, says in this video that the number one thing white people need to do when working on dismantling racism is to confront our own biases. The second is to remember that no one is an exception. We all have work to do.
Every day I’m learning, not just about racism but how to actively be anti-racist and more than just an ally to the Black community. And while the perfectionist in me can labor over what to say and how to say it – I’ve realized that is decidedly not the point. The important thing is to do the work and that work starts on the inside. As I examine my own white privilege I am going to be uncomfortable, but it’s what I do in that discomfort that’s important. For me it means asking hard questions and digging deep. I’m going to make mistakes and I’m going to mess up, but with mistakes and challenges come growth and change. When I know better, I can do better. And that has always been a big part of this space – education, knowing better, and doing better aka making changes and taking action.
Going forward, my commitment is to do the work, within myself, my marriage, my family and my community and to keep learning, growing and sharing, both here on the blog and, more importantly, inside my mind and heart. I will keep sharing my journey, the things that bring me joy, the tough stuff and the silly stuff. For me, this is not a return to normal but a new normal. And I hope you’re here for it, too.
WORD OF THE WEEK | Hope. Call me crazy or even naive, but I am hopeful – about the present and the future. I think the key in the next few weeks, months and years is to stay hopeful, energized and accountable. I have a tendency to commit to things and slowly but surely lose momentum. I don’t want that to happen here and have had weekly check-ins with myself, family and friends as a result.
LOOKING BACK | It’s been almost a week since we left NYC for C’s parent’s home in NJ, a temporary and necessary change for our little family. We spent 12 full weeks in quarantine at home and experienced city life in a completely new way. To see the “city that never sleeps” almost empty and, at times, completely quiet, was something I will never forget. But, between our 7pm cheers, adventure walks and socially distant but frequent smiles, I’ve never felt more connected to fellow New Yorkers or prouder to call the city my home. This made our departure to NJ so bittersweet – we love our home and, to be honest, I feel guilty leaving it behind. Like somehow in leaving, I’m abandoning and letting our people down. Yes there were risks and yes sometimes it was challenging but in the end, we were getting through it all with each other and our community. New Yorkers have a heck of a lot of loyalty and pride, that’s for sure. That being said, from a logistical standpoint, we needed a change. It was getting hot, our AC unit is busted (and because of COVID, repairs were not allowed) and our typical routine with Bruce was becoming trickier after he got sick and had surgery. We typically pop out of the city on summer weekends but with COVID restrictions, we knew if we left we’d have to leave for an extended period. So we decided to go for it. Do I miss my 500 square foot apartment? I actually do. But I am also incredibly grateful for fresh(er) air, more space and being surrounded by our family. It’s truly a privilege to have this option and we do not take that for granted.
ONE THING I LEARNED | I feel like I have learned about 443,309,034 things this week – on the top of that list being that I have a lot to learn!
ONE THING I’M PROUD OF | My husband. You guys, Chef C has become quite the chef! Over a year ago, C was not very confident in the kitchen and, as a result, we started “Cooking With Christian” to document his experience with learning how to cook. Fast forward to today and he browses cookbooks, picks recipes and cooks 80% of them start to finish completely on his own. He is so good at it and, like me, loves creating something that others can (and do) enjoy. He’s a big fan of The Defined Dish cookbook, and we are working on a review post with our favorite recipes!
WHAT I’M EXCITED FOR | Summer. Truth be told summer is not my favorite season but I am really looking forward it this year. We don’t have “summer plans” but we may head to the Jersey shore to visit a few friends and are working on a late summer trip, possibly to Connecticut, Newport or Nantucket.
SNAPSHOTS | Some unedited #lifelately highlights from my camera roll…
COVID antibody test (I have zero, welp) / A fave quote from Morgan Harper Nichols (loving the Storyteller app!) / A protest heading down 1st Avenue in NYC
Bruce post surgery / My new favorite Anchor’s Away Supply Co. towels / C and I roasted a whole chicken for the first time (with help from Claire)
Flawless in Five on repeat at home / A Bernardsville sunset / Cheers with my man and our favorite bottle of wine (from the Parent Trap!)
Bruce and his latest accessories / My current (and forever) suburban vibe / The YUMMIEST stir fry!
BROWSING, READING, LEARNING, LISTENING | Typically this is where I share articles, blog posts and content I’ve been enjoying and I will continue to do so! That being said, a lot of what I’m browsing, reading, learning and listening to are works dedicated to anti-racism and the Black Lives Matter movement. I hope that in sharing some of the resources that I find helpful, you can benefit, too.
Claire and I started reading White Fragility by Dr. Robin DiAngelo and when we shared it on Instagram it turned out many of you are too! We now have a book club where we “meet” weekly to discuss it, unpack our privilege and address our own white fragility. This resource on DiAngelo’s website has been an incredible asset and one that succinctly and adeptly defines racism.
On Danielle Prescod’s stories, she encouraged white people to read more books by Black authors, specifically ones that do not have white protagonists and ones that aren’t “tragedy porn”. Her words were powerful and to the point – so much so that I wrote them down! She said: “You do not need to download the Black experience by seeing just how bad you can feel. You just need to try to learn to put yourself in other people’s shoes… it’s important that if you are going to become an anti-racist you get a wide breadth of Black experiences, ones that are human and not just political. All of these can teach you something.” With that in mind, Elsa and I started the month with Maisy Card’s debut novel, These Ghosts Are Family, and it was a total page turner! Card focuses on the consequences of one man’s actions by weaving together a storyline between colonial Jamaica and present-day Harlem that centers on everything from family, identity, and resentment to racism, colonialism, slavery and privilege. Next up, The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, recommended by my friend Lindsae.
C and I are working our way through Cleo Wade’s Anti-Racism resource list and, in need of a new show, decided on Dear White People, a comedy / social satire on Netflix about Black students at a mostly-white Ivy league college. The show addresses racial relations in a way that first makes you laugh and then makes you think. Hard. Watching the show has fostered lengthy conversations in our home, both about race, racism and our own college experience as it relates to both.
I’m a hugger, which makes saying hello particularly challenging right now. This NYT Article addresses what greetings may look like in a post-COVID world and I especially enjoyed the author’s point that, “to compensate for the loss of physical closeness in greetings, we may need to be more emotionally open” – while I would love a hug, I think the potential for emotional growth is important, too!
#ICYMI
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