Happy Sunday that feels like a Saturday! Best kind of Sunday, IMO. I have tomorrow off and today is a bit grey and gloomy, so I’m spending the day catching up, writing blog posts, doing laundry, and snuggling with my boys. We had a very eventful weekend thus far so I’m really looking forward to some R+R for the second half.
I wrote my last On My Mind in mid-August, right after our second miscarriage and before our weeklong end-of-summer vacation. Since then, so much has happened I actually can’t believe it’s only been a month and a half! I’m excited to share some updates and bring you up to speed on the ups (we went on a relaxing vacation and had successful egg retrieval, I turned 34 and chopped off my hair), downs (post-procedure recovery was a b*tch and I’m still not feeling like myself) and everything in between (I headed back to the office, watched so many good shows, we found a fab new local dinner spot and I’ve done lots of soul searching).
After our egg retrieval I took a few days off from the blog and Instagram because, well, I was feeling pretty darn horrible physically (more on that to come). A few days turned into several days, which turned into a few weeks. And now, here we are! I talk about this more in the post below, but sometimes I just have to take a break from the social space for my own personal growth and healing.
WORD OF THE WEEK | Rest. I’m sure I’ve used this one before, but the past three weeks have been a not-so-gentle reminder of the importance of rest. For me, that usually looks like reinforcing boundaries, prioritizing the basics: wholesome food, extra sleep, lots of water, time outdoors and little to no outside obligations. Instead, I lean into habits that feel nurturing and nourishing. I’m a big believer that rest is an individual concept and looks different for everyone, so figuring out what really feels restful for me has been so helpful.
LOOKING BACK | Let’s do this chronologically, shall we? We spend our end-of-August vacation in Bay Head, NJ (which was glorious and very restful). Upon our return, we spent a glorious and relatively typical Labor Day weekend in the city. After being away for a week, it was nice to get back into a routine and do some of our favorite city activities – long walks in the park and visits to The Met and the NYBG. We eagerly awaited the arrival of our IVF meds, but Hurricane Ida caused a bit of a debacle (aka they got lost in a Newark warehouse). Ultimately the issue was fixable, new meds arrived and we made sure our IVF shot station was well equipped. I’m working on a post dedical to my retrieval must haves, because I couldn’t find one online when I was prepping.
We started shots on 9/10. I say we because even though I was the one receiving the shots, C prepared and administered everything. I hate needles. It doesn’t matter if its a shot or a blood draw – I’m not a fan. So, giving up control of that part of the process brought me a tremendous amount of relief. It was also a way for C to get more involved, which ultimately brought us so much closer. Overall the process was not as bad as I thought it would be. The shots hurt a bit, sure. And I was really bloated. But it wasn’t unmanageable.
Retreival was 10 days later and was a tremendous success. One of the indicators of my PCOS is that I don’t ovulate and have a lot of follicles as a result. I responded well to the injectibles and was very carefully monitored to make sure we didn’t over stimulate. Heading intro retrieval, I knew I had over 10 follicles per ovary and when I woke up, I learned they had harvested 29 eggs! I’ll go into more detail in my retrieval post, but suffice it to say: we were thrilled. Utlimately, 16 of those eggs were mature and created 15 embryos. By day 5, we froze 11. Now, we are waiting for the results of genetic testing to see how many “normal” embryos we have that are viable for implanatation!
The waiting process has been tough, mainly physically. Because I had so many follicles, the recovery process was really uncomfortable. I was even more bloated, my abdomen was painful and I was really constipated (cool!). The come down off of hormones is also a total trip. I felt numb, depressed, exhausted and really didn’t feel like myself! Since getting my period I feel a little better, but dealt with a pretty heavy *flow*, moodiness and horrible acne. I know it’s temporary and will be worth it, but that doesn’t change how mentally and emotionally tough it was for me to deal with old trauma related to my skin.
Ultimately, what helped was feeling the hard feelings and taking things one day at a time. Last week when I was feeling really down, I managed to get out of the house with a little encouragement from C. We went for a long walk in Central Park (some of the leaves are starting to change!) and had a day date at The Met. On our list: The Medici exhibit (which closed the day after) and In America: A Lexicon of Fashion. Sadly, we didn’t make it to the second one because the line was out of control. The best thing about being members though, is we never stress about exhibits – we’ll see it eventually! We also went on a dinner date at a new-to-us French place, AOC East. It was fantastic! The menu was great (very GF/DF friendly), the service was outstanding and the vibe was lovely – a real neighborhood spot. If you’re on the UES and looking for a cute place for dinner, definitely give it a whirl!
This week I went back to work on a 4 (in the office) 1 (at home) basis. It was a pretty big shift to go from 5 days at home to 4 days in the office, and I gotta say by Friday I was EXHAUSTED. My commute isn’t bad and I feel very safe with our COVID protocols (vaccination required, weekly testing and more) but the combo of a new routine and being more socially engaged was tiring. Work is also super busy right now, so I didn’t really have time to process all the changes! We ended the week on a high note though, with a late birthday (for me) and eary anniversary (our 6th) dinner at our fave spot, L’Artusi. We left with full bellies and hearts and spent the rest of the evening walking around the winding roads of the West Village. We hadn’t done that in AGES and it felt so good to be out and about.
WHAT I’M EXCITED FOR | Another year around the sun! On September 23rd, I turned 34. I love birthdays – when I was a kid my mom made them so special that it was easily one of the best days of the year, every year. As I’ve gotten older though (especially post-30) I still feel celebratory but am much more reflective. This year was a weird one because, honestly, I felt horrible. We cancelled our L’Artusi dinner reservation and ordered Thai instead. It ended up being perfect becuase it’s exactly what I needed! I had the biggest hankering for Thai and found a fantastic GF Thai place near us called THEP. C and I both agreed it’s some of the best Thai we’ve had and will definitely be ordering from there again! He also picked up a mini bundt cake from By The Way Bakery, the perfect treat.
I don’t feel different or older, but I do feel at peace with where I’m at in my life. For the first time in a long time, I’m content with and focused on the present. I adore our little family, feel settled in our home and truly love being in the city. I’m also excited about and ready for this next adventure (being parents!) but it’s not something that I feel I need to do or have to do to fill a void. This isn’t our next step because we feel it has to be or should be, it’s our next step because we are really happy with where we are at now. I think the beauty of our approach this time around is that our journey to parenthood is an additive experience. We are simply building on the life we have already created and love. I have no idea what will happen in the next few months. Despite the messaging around IVF, nothing is guaranteed. That being said, we are hopeful. Together we are creating space for the possibility of growth and change in the very best way.
ONE THING I LEARNED | After a brief social media hiatus I’m back and trying to find my footing with this space. Every so often I take a much needed step away from social platforms. I missed the creative aspect – writing, capturing photographic moments, getting creative in the kitchen, learning about myself and researching cleaner ways of living all bring me so much joy! On top of that, sharing those exeriences and connecting with you, my community, fills me up big time. That being said, I often find Instagram and other social platforms to be a bit overwhelming and contrived. Sometimes it’s all just so…exhausting. I find myself getting caught up in a scarcity mindset – thinking I don’t have enough or getting swept away by things. Opening the app and being inundanted with constantly changing homes and wardrobes and lives and seasonal must-haves and hauls and favorites and reviews and life updates…it can feel like a lot of noise. Sometimes, no matter how grounded I feel, it’s all just too much.
Since I’m here for fun, when things feel less than fun I know I need to re-evaluate. Two of my friends, Amelia and Madison, have touched on relationships with social media and the idea of aesthetics in different, beautiful, encouraging and inspiring posts that I highly recommend reading if you’ve ever felt discouraged about the public / social space. I have both of them saved and turn to them time and time again. Personally, I’ve found that taking intentional or unintentional breaks from Instagram to be the best path for me. It’s a boundary I can set for myself while I turn inward and focus on what’s really, truly imporant: my health, my family, and my happiness. Let me be clear – in the end, my triggers and frustrations are my own, so making space to process and understand those feelings is really important for my own growth.
Where does that leave me? I’m still thinking it through. I know that I miss connecting with individuals and sharing more education based content. As we are in the middle of IVF, I’ve realized how extremely grateful I am for the health and wellness journey that got me to this point. In the past 7 plus years, I’ve learned so much about healing from the inside out and outside in. I dedicate time to healing past traumas and emotional blocks, use clean and safe products, cook whole and nourishing meals and am able to listen to and advocate for my body. All of those things are important for IVF. I started this space to share my own journey in the hopes that it would help others on similar paths, and my goal is to refocus on that.
I also have lots of ideas for upcoming blog posts, too! This includes a clean candle edit, my favorite clean deodorants, a clean toothpaste review, reading updates and a potential new series with what I wore to work each week.
ONE THING I’M PROUD OF | The past month and a half brought a lot of changes for our little family and I’m really proud of how we’ve moved forward together, as a team. Yesterday we went to our dear friend’s baby’s first birthday party, and it was so meaningful to be included despite not having children of our own (yet). So many of our friends had babies last year and with COVID, we haven’t seen them much! I wasn’t sure how I would feel about being around so many babies, but in the end it was a really joyful experience. We are always open and honest about our own journey, and being able to talk about it and share our excitement while sharing in their joy was really special. I’ve learned its possible to hold two things in my heart – I can feel sad AND excited, stressed AND hopeful, discouraged AND encouraged – for both myself and others.
SNAPSHOTS | Some unedited #lifelately highlights from my camera roll…
out of office / boys watching #sports / central park boaters
paparazzi / first trip to Ralph’s / met steps
WARRIOR bracelet by a fellow warrior / retrieval / fam snugs
bday dinner / wfh staples / me n bean
chop chop / our last wfh snuggles / new neck candy
cp walks / chappy trapped / v into this haircut
hung some art! / temple of dendur / date night lewk
my date! / back in denim after weeks of sweats / more art!
bully sticks in the park / co-worker is v sad / back at L’Artusi
*you can find all outfit links on my shop page or LTK page*
BROWSING, READING, LEARNING, LISTENING | Okay, first things first – TV SHOWS. After our egg retrieval I spent a lot of time on the couch. When I wasn’t working, I was snoozing or watching TV. I’ve spent most of the last month watching The Durrells in Corfu, a beautiful British drama about a single mother with four children who up and moves them all to Corfu, Greece during the mid-1930s. I LOVE the characters, the costumes, the family dynamic… oh gosh. So good. I cried through the last three episodes. I’m also on season three of Mrs. Maisel and C and I are still watching Ted Lasso and Lupin (we took a break from that for a bit and are hoping to jump right back in). Now I’m trying to figure out what to watch next!
I’m back into books and have read some really good ones lately! I’ll probably do another Recent Reads post next month but you can follow along with what I’m reading on Goodreads! I keep my account very updated because I use a kindle that syncs with my Goodreads account. You can also find my other reading posts here.
I’ve also been really into podcasts lately! I was still listening to them on my walks with Bruce while working from home and now I always listen to them on my commute. I take the subway to and from the office, so putting in my airpods and listening to a podcast makes the experience much more enjoyable. Lately I’ve been focusing on Armchair Expert – I highly recommend the episodes with Kate Bowler (professor of the history of Christianity in North America at Duke Divinity School), Drew Barrymore and Dr. Harold Koplewicz (child psychiatrist, founding president and Medical Director of the Child Mind Institute).
Not going to lie, I checked your Instagram and your blog these last few weeks more than is probably healthy for you being a complete stranger to me. But I missed all your sweet posts. And wondered how you were doing. So great reading this post and hearing how you’re doing. You’re one of the very few people I follow on social media who I don’t know irl in some way and that’s because you are so authentic and free of all that fake artifice you can sometimes find on Instagram. I will continue to hold you in my thoughts and wish you much success.
Oh Jayne, you are so kind! I’ve taken quite the break and this message really means so much to me. You, and support like yours, is why I do and share what I do. Thank you for being here – I am beyond grateful for your support and kindness!
Jayne! I am so sorry for my delay. Thank you for taking the time to write me a note – it means so much! I am so grateful for your kindness and continued support. Sending you a huge hug!
Hi Nora,
So happy to have you back! I’ve been thinking of you and your family during your time away and after you posted about your IVF journey.
I always look forward to your recommendations. I started listening to a podcast within the past year and think it may be of interest to you! It’s called Connecting with Dr Kim Swales. She is a psychologist and each episode has a guest on to talk about various different connections… marriage, girlfriends, food, etc. She has such a calming voice too!
Anyway, I’ve never commented before but I wanted to let you know I so enjoy your content and love following you.
Thanks!
Mackenzie
Mackenzie! I am so sorry for my delay and am so grateful for your note. I will absolutely look into this podcast! Sending you big hugs and a huge thank you for being here and supporting me 🙂