A Love Letter to New York

Dear New York, 

Happy Valentines Day, old friend. I cannot believe that 8 years ago this week, I drove halfway across the country, u-haul in tow, to make you my home. I came to you jobless and nervous, with a car full of (mostly) clothes, my childhood savings, a dream to work in fashion and a love for a guy I was pretty damn sure was the one. When I pulled up to that little apartment on Christopher Street, I was a whole lot of excited and a little bit scared.

Those first few months were the hardest. I wanted so badly to love you, for you to be everything I had hoped for and more. But you were so crowded, so confusing and so damn lonely. Despite being surrounded by millions of people (and living with 3 of them and a dog) I had never felt so alone. I got lost a lot, both literally and figuratively. I remember sitting in my bed in my 10×10 room (in a basement with no windows and rats in the walls) and wondering how, in a city so big, I could feel so small and afraid. I almost gave up, but I had come so far and was determined that I could make it work.

Looking back, I cannot believe how much has happened since those first few months. A lot of it was hard – job transitions, health issues, mental health challenges, lost friendships, relationship hurdles and even deaths. A lot of it was wonderful, too. New jobs and careers, a new apartment and neighborhood, an engagement, a wedding, a puppy, the start of healing, new friendships and growing passions. Funny enough, the one constant throughout all of this, was you.

When people used to ask me if I loved you – as if that was a given – I used to say sometimes, because no matter how much I loved you, you didn’t seem to love me back. But in your own way, I think you did. Your toughness and challenging edge pushed me in a way I’ve never been pushed. Ultimately, it made me love you more because I came out stronger, albeit slightly more cynical and completely spoiled when it comes to take-out. Every experience and every challenge you’ve thrown my way has taught me something, and I know that I am the woman that I am today as a result.

So, New York, as I look back on our time together, I want to say thank you. Thank you for letting me in and teaching me that I am much, much tougher than I ever thought I was. Thank you for helping me find my path, even though it wasn’t the path I expected to be on. Thank you for being a place that I am grateful to call home, not because I have to but because, like so many people around me, I choose to. Thank you for teaching me that there is beauty in the grit and happy in the chaos. And thank you for sticking with me, even though we both know it was really me who stuck with you.

I couldn’t possibly summarize the past 8 years, but what I can do is jot down a few favorites: 

What I’ve learned… I’ve learned that everything costs more than I thought it did. That there are pockets of warm sunshine, even in the cold concrete jungle. That the best pasta can be found on West 10th Street. That the worst place to be is in Times Square on a Friday (or Penn Station). That there should be lanes on sidewalks. That you, New York, really don’t sleep.

What I love… I love exploring your neighborhoods and museums. I love your parks, especially on sunny summer or brisk fall days. I love that everyone here has a contagious energy running through their veins. I love that you are a cultural melting pot filled with dreamers and do-ers, hustlers and hopefuls. I love the express bus. I love that within two blocks of anywhere I am, I can find everything I need.

What I’m looking forward to… I’m looking forward to exploring more – the outer boroughs have much to offer and even more to discover. I’m excited to try new restaurants and cuisines, to visit the Statue of Liberty and to finally have a Levain cookie. I’m looking forward to finding peace within myself, growing my family, and leaning in to my community.

I’m sure that I missed something, but there’s always next year. We both know that neither one of us is going anywhere.

Until then…

Nora